I know, crazy.

I know. So lame that I haven't updated as much as I would like. I need to make sure that I do keep updating... I miss writing.

Wedding planning and the details are still in order. I have lots I have to share regarding colors and decorations/layouts-- you know, the goods!

It's been a busy summer so far.

Chris' stay was fabulous. His parents loved it here, I think. They were kinda bombarded with my side of the family (srsly, uncles, aunts, cousins... and when you're Hmong, you're related to EVERYONE. Srsly.) but were such great sports! Hah. My parents' bash was a hit :)

The 2 family reunions I had this summer were great. I'm surrounded by the best family evAr. Srsly.

I'm headed out to SoCal in 2 weeks to apartment shop with the soon-to-be-hubby and then we're heading up north to see his family for the weekend. It'll be somewhat wedding-planning free which will be a nice break for me. *grin* Can't wait for lunch at the beach!!

There's one last camping trip in August to plan for after I get back from CA. Excited about that too. I love camping. As long as there's running water... and a flushing toilet. Hey, it's camping-- I'm sleeping in a tent, aren't I? :P

On a serious note, I've been reading Francis Chan's "Crazy Love." It's a dangerous book to pick up. God's voice is loud and clear through that book. This week has been designated as "outreach week" for our church and it's been a struggle to really remember that sharing God's love should be my lifestyle-- not an event that occurs only once or twice a year-- if even. I want what breaks God's heart to break mine as well.

On Monday, I met a girl who just recently came to the US from Cambodia when she married her husband 1 1/2 years ago. She talked about how lonely it is sometimes to be here and not know anyone, but she loved that our church was so nice welcoming as we taught her how to play volleyball. I just pray that God would begin to reveal Himself to her in whatever way He wills.

Yesterday, there were just all kinds of roadblocks and excuses for why I wouldn't be going. And yet there came that still small voice that unmistakingly was the Spirit prompting me to go. There weren't as many people at the park, but I realized that it wasn't about whether I came into contact with someone or not, it was about being obedient to just go.

"Give me one pure and holy passion; give me one magnificent obsession, give me one glorious ambition for my life, to know and follow hard after You..."

And the battle between the Spirit and the flesh continues.

We're going on a bear hunt!

We're going on a bear hunt. We're gonna catch a big one! What a beautiful day! We're not scared.

Uh-Oh! Grass! Long, wavy grass! We can't go over it, we can't go under it... we have to go... THROUGH it!! Swishy, swashy, swishy, swashy!!

Kezzy, Meya, Anela, & Kayla love that story. I've read it a million times to them and have become quite amazing at reading it entirely too animated if I do say so myself... and I do say so myself. I'm even breathless by the end of the story.

But I've come to love this little story because isn't this how life is?

In the battle between the spirit and the flesh, as much as we'd love to go over it and be above it, we've set ourselves up for failure when we attempt to build ourselves up to be above the struggle.

As we try to go under it and fly under the radar, we get sucked up in it with the curiosity of wondering what we're missing.

But when we decide to suck it up and go through it, though we may cut the bottoms of our feet with that wretched long wavy grass, get beat up by the winds of that snow storm, die a death or two in that frigid and deep river, get ourselves stuck in that miry mud that cakes between our toes, end up breathless running through that dark forest stumbling and tripping with scratches and cuts throughout our bodies, or braving the cave to come face to face with the ginormous bear, we all end up running back into the safety of that comforting place-- the arms of our Father.

Some journeys last longer than others and we may face more than one journey at a time. Sometimes it takes longer for us to return home from that dark cave. And yet we know Who's been on that journey holding our hand the entire time through the swishy, swashy, swishy, swashy, swishy, swashy's, the who-woo, who-woo, who-woo's, splish, splosh, splish, splosh, splish, splosh's, the squerch, squish, squerch, squish, squerch, squish's, the stumble-trip, stumble-trip, stumble-trip's, or the tip-toe, tip-toe, tip-toe's, and yes, especially on that sprint all the way home.

The battle between the spirit and the flesh continues...

A Change of Pace

I'm realizing I'm supposed to be a part of something big. Radical. Life-changing. World-shaking. Mind-boggling. And I realize, I'm not ready. It's crazy because I know. And yet, it's almost as if the minute I say "I'm ready" I'll be whisked off on this incredible journey that my heart screams for. And is willing to die for. At some point. But I'm not ready. Or maybe I don't want it. Not yet anyway.

It almost feels like nothing and everything is happening all at the same time. The excitement freezes up into fear and then melts into estactic-ness all over again.

I realize God's just waiting on me to be willing. And to be used. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't playing hide-and-seek with Him at this very moment. I almost feel like Jonah; just about ready to do whatever it takes to out-run and out-hide Yahweh. As long as I don't have to do what I think He's looking for me to do. And yet, isn't this what I've been waiting for--something big; something radical; something life-changing?

I'm never really that careful with what I wish for... because I tend to wish for bigger things that I'm never really that ready for.

And yet, somehow I am. It's just that safety net I have to scoot over onto the edge of it and look down. Whether it's too far down or the landing is in view, there's a landing somewhere. And I know that He'll never let me fall so far down that I can't be saved. I do somehow always expect that He's not going to challenge me. And that He'll keep me comfortable. Because "bad things" aren't supposed to happen to me. They happen to other people, but not me. I somehow feel like I merit good days 365 times a year; and then some. But the truth of the matter is, He doesn't want me to be comfortable... He wants me to live up to my highest potential and a lot of times, almost always, probably moreso always, that requires uncomfortable nudges that turn
into pushes when I try to resist.

I used to always be afraid that if I don't do it, who will? The truth is, God will use someone else & choose to bless someone else with the opportunity. And then I'll be back to wishing for newer things to happen and wondering why they never do.

It's the every day battle between the spirit and the flesh... the desire for courage and bravery over the easy cop-outs that in the long run are long-forgotten.

I'm working on it.