So it finally happened...

Kayla: "Auntie, are you going to live with Chris?"
Me: "Yes. In California."
Kayla: "Oh. Are you going to come home?"
Me: "... but I'll have a home with Chris."
Kayla: "Aww... but I'm going to miss you, Auntie."

Broke. My. Heart.

And I did it.

The other night, I let myself cry and grieve my journey to getting here. It's weird with this trip coming up to SoCal tonight (my flight leaves at 9:45 pm and lands at 11:30 pm). I almost feel guilty because I'm not completely excited like I "should" be. I mean, shouldn't I be? I'm seeing the soon-to-be-hubs and we're going to apartment/home shop and spend time with this family... but in the midst of this, I won't be here to spend a weekend of "nothing" with my family. I tear up every time I think about it now. Is it okay that I feel this way?

I'm terrified.

When does the missing stop hurting so much?

I'll miss my little Kayla, Anela, Meya, & Kezzy.
I'll miss Hli and Paaj and the BFF bond only we've been able to share.
I'll miss Mom and her nagging/teaching me how to be a better woman after God's own heart.
I'll miss Dad's quirks of learning useless information just to school waiters/waitresses at their own restaurant.
I'll miss Cheng's blaring electric guitar playing on Saturday mornings.
I'll miss Josh's stupid alarm clock that I've woken up many times just to storm into his room to completely unplug it instead of just turning it off.
I'll miss the birthday dinners that are so carefully planned so no one is missing.
I'll miss the Thanksgiving dinners that Cheng and Josh actually volunteer to cook.
I'll miss the time I spend with my sisters knowing that we can vent to each other about ANYthing.
I'll miss the best hugs and kisses in the world from the little kiddies.



And it hurts every time I think of those things.

I can't wait for this journey into marriage with the most amazing man ever, but I can't help but wish that somehow, if it was possible, I'd move everyone to our own private island where no one would ever have to leave. I guess that's what Heaven is for. I know, I act like somehow I won't be able to visit. That's just it, isn't it, though? Next time, it won't be "coming" home to MN... it'll be visiting.

Terrified.

So very soon.

My heart aches to know I have to leave my sisters.

At some point, you realize you're absolutely nothing without those who love you with everything that they are.

Because

In light of my blog post last night, lets have a little fun, shall we?

We all know how depressing it is to never get to break out the guilty pleasures in the midst of swimsuit season (in my case, wedding day diet!!), so go on, post your guiltiest pleasure-food item evAr. And we'll all sit here and drool together.

Happy Tuesday!

Wanna come over??

YUM.

I know, crazy.

I know. So lame that I haven't updated as much as I would like. I need to make sure that I do keep updating... I miss writing.

Wedding planning and the details are still in order. I have lots I have to share regarding colors and decorations/layouts-- you know, the goods!

It's been a busy summer so far.

Chris' stay was fabulous. His parents loved it here, I think. They were kinda bombarded with my side of the family (srsly, uncles, aunts, cousins... and when you're Hmong, you're related to EVERYONE. Srsly.) but were such great sports! Hah. My parents' bash was a hit :)

The 2 family reunions I had this summer were great. I'm surrounded by the best family evAr. Srsly.

I'm headed out to SoCal in 2 weeks to apartment shop with the soon-to-be-hubby and then we're heading up north to see his family for the weekend. It'll be somewhat wedding-planning free which will be a nice break for me. *grin* Can't wait for lunch at the beach!!

There's one last camping trip in August to plan for after I get back from CA. Excited about that too. I love camping. As long as there's running water... and a flushing toilet. Hey, it's camping-- I'm sleeping in a tent, aren't I? :P

On a serious note, I've been reading Francis Chan's "Crazy Love." It's a dangerous book to pick up. God's voice is loud and clear through that book. This week has been designated as "outreach week" for our church and it's been a struggle to really remember that sharing God's love should be my lifestyle-- not an event that occurs only once or twice a year-- if even. I want what breaks God's heart to break mine as well.

On Monday, I met a girl who just recently came to the US from Cambodia when she married her husband 1 1/2 years ago. She talked about how lonely it is sometimes to be here and not know anyone, but she loved that our church was so nice welcoming as we taught her how to play volleyball. I just pray that God would begin to reveal Himself to her in whatever way He wills.

Yesterday, there were just all kinds of roadblocks and excuses for why I wouldn't be going. And yet there came that still small voice that unmistakingly was the Spirit prompting me to go. There weren't as many people at the park, but I realized that it wasn't about whether I came into contact with someone or not, it was about being obedient to just go.

"Give me one pure and holy passion; give me one magnificent obsession, give me one glorious ambition for my life, to know and follow hard after You..."

And the battle between the Spirit and the flesh continues.

Wedding details!

So I'm thinking I want a simple pearl and ribbon garland like this to loosely wrap around the candles and also the stringing lights for the reception area.




It'd be totally another DIY project for me (read: my sisters, hah), but I think it would be so classy & perfect. Hate? Like? Love?

Never too late

"Chris, what are you doing for the 4th of July?"

"Celebrating my independence." *straight face*

He's so good looking.

What? I just had to.