Where arrrrre you?

I've been busy house-wife-ing and also job hunting. It's been nice being able to be home with the husband and sleep in the same bed and kiss him good morning.

I miss my family and my heart aches for my nieces and my nephew SO much, but Chris has been really good to me. We're having fun with being newlyweds-- cooking dinner together, running errands together, laundry, and making this place ours.

Yay!to my older sister-- I'm adding another little bundle to love! :)

Someday I'll get into a regular blogging mode. I do keep up with you guys though so keep 'em coming :) & you saw my pictures right?

The Hnou Mrs. Gonzalez

Get it? teehee.



Everything was perfect.

More to come as soon as I get them from our photographer!

P.S. Yes, Rachel, I stole these from you!

It's Home.

We did it! We got a place!

Chris moves into our own little place on the 14th of this month.

I'm going to miss MN and everything that I have here. But I'm so happy that I'm beginning this journey with the most amazing man in the world.

I'm a happy girl.

Pictures to come. And a far better update as well.

How sweet it is...

to be loved by you.

Never too late

"Chris, what are you doing for the 4th of July?"

"Celebrating my independence." *straight face*

He's so good looking.

What? I just had to.

Lookey.

I want this dress.

*it's on www.asos.com

Busy, busy! 88 days until the wedding! Chris & his parents are coming out this weekend! Can't wait to see my Baby!

My parents' bash is also this weekend. Fingers crossed for GREAT weather. We made the cutest napkin "rings" with raffe & a stamp on yellow construction paper. I'm thinking we'll duplicate the idea for the wedding reception as well.

I had a family reunion to go to this past weekend in Missouri. It was good to see everyone in one spot for a weekend. There were cows. And chickens. And ponies. We ate. A lot. We laughed. We cried. We shot off fireworks. We chased after fireflies. And watched the stars come out at night under the countryside sky. I got some color on my face. And didn't wear make up all weekend long! hah.

Sometimes it's nice to take a breather just to do those things.

Short-term "Cannot wait" list

• Tomorrow's 2 mile run after work. Believe me, I've missed it!
• Summer's arrival!
• BBQs at the park
• My first bridal shower in 3 weeks!
• Bridal portraits with my sisters when I get my dress back from the seamstress
• Chris' next visit in approx. 3 1/2 weeks!
• MI in about a month
• Our parents' surprise bash at the end of June
• SoCal at the end of July!
• Camping trip at some point this summer! I love it! 
• September 19th, 2009!! Eeep!

What's your list?

You'll never guess, but you probably will...

who got a beautiful spring bouquet delivered to her desk today at work for their anniversary! Uhhh-huh.



I was so confused because the card read "Baby, Happy" ... so I called Chris just in complete yay-ness because I LOVE the flowers. And I love that man. But I'm giddy at this point and am all "Baaaaaby!" And I told him that all the card read was "Baby, Happy" and Chris said that they must have cut off his message since they charged him per letter so they threw as much as they could on the card. I thought he was joking, but it could have been true... so I believed him. It *could* be true.

I get home and guess what was waiting for me?




Clevah clevah. I love him. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with this man.

Here's to youandme, Baby... no spaces in between.

Already?!?

I know.

Shame. On. Me.

But I have an excuse. Work has been overloading on MUCH-nay-TONS of stuff to do. And then get this, I caught the flu. Not the SWINE flu, but the ordinary flu. I'm working on getting it out of my system. It's on the last legs of it, but man was it painful. And draining. And completely exhausting. I actually woke up on Sunday morning, couldn't move because everything hurt & was tight/sore and my throat felt like it was ripping apart but I couldn't stop coughing, called Chris and cried... "I just hate this... I don't want to feel like this anymore... *sob*" Poor guy, didn't sleep very well after that since he worried about me all morning.

But no worries, I'm def. working on getting back. Who's missed me? Or even noticed? :P

Can you believe it's already May 20th? 4 more months until the wedding! Eeeeeeep!

And P.S. Tomorrow is Chris and I's 3 year anniversary. I love that man.

Ohhh blog-land, how I've missed you.

I know. I know.

Inexcusable. Unpardonable. Unforgivable. Unjustifiable.Indefensible. Intolerable. Deplorable. Awful. Unwarrantable. (Anymoresynonyms? My thesaurus stopped at those.)

I’ve been MIA. And I have so much catching up to do.

It’s been a long, LONG, week and a half since Chris left to go back home. Crazy how it feels like it’s been weeks upon months already. I never thought this would be harder than it was a year ago. It totally is.

Anyway, there have been lots to do and be busied with. My parents’ surprise bash is coming along well. We’ve set the menu, reserved (almost, anyway, just getting the contract in it’s final stages) the place, set our guest list, invites are in the making… the plan is in the making! It’s at a cute little nature center with an apple orchard next to the site itself with a concrete path that winds around the trees. As far as décor, we’re thinking simple and clean tea lights in mason jars on shepherd’s hooks. So excited!

Wedding plans are also in a fuller swing. The 3 bridesmaids dresses are in—though I’ll need to exchange Rachel’s -- and then send them out to the girls. Hli’s dress has been purchased as well and so has my mom’s. The only person left is Pa Houa. I’m so glad everything seems a little more set. I do have to get crackin at my invites though. Whew. Set. In. Stone.

Oh! We’ve also decided on the guys’ attire-- we’re going to go simple and clean with a gray button up shirt and charcoal tie and Chris is going with the suit vest but without the actual jacket with a white shirt and the charcoal tie. I love it and it looks so great on him.

Our menu is set as well. Yum. I. Can’t. Wait.

Speaking of yum, Easter was peachy. The potluck after church was nice and I’m realizing how much I honestly love my little church family.

On a deeper note, Anela, Kayla, & Meya reminded me this weekend of what matters most during this remembered day. You see, they had an egg hunt on Saturday with the rest of the kids’ program where my sister is the children’s programs director. There were eggs filled with candy scattered everywhere and among them also sat the completely empty ones that many times were thrown to the side because they were empty. Kayla, Anela, & Meya (& Kezzy!)were excited regardless of if the eggs they found were empty or not. Turns out, every one of the eggs that they picked up were empty. They smiled and laughed and were ecstatic, anyway.

As the kids sat down, the story of the death and resurrection of Christ was shared and I wondered if those little girls understood what was being shared at all.

Later that day, I told Anela to tell Tais-Tais & PaPa what they learned and she went through the whole finding the eggs and then I asked her if we should be sad when the egg is empty. She goes “Noooo. Jesus is not dead.”

Amen.

It's somethin!!

Headed out to pick up my Baby from the airport. Boo because the flight's a little delayed, but I can't wait to kiss him!

Sorry, it's been a hellish week. I'll be in soon, promise.

Toodles!

Lovely!

So it's that time again. My Baby's flight leaves at 12:30 tomorrow morning-- yes, he flies the red-eye for me :P

It was quite the day to end my work week with! So much to do with what seems, so little time. Whew! Glad that's over. I got home and cleaned like a mad woman since Chris will be staying here for the next 5 days.

We have lots to plow throw this weekend:

• pre-marital counseling/seminar


• pre-marital counseling session with Pastor Sid


• get the last save-the-date cards out


• visit Men's Warehouse for Chris' suit


• Get "engagement" pictures done


• check out options for setting up at the reception site


• Plan, plan, and plan some more.

But I look forward to spending time with my Baby. It gets to be so draining sometimes to do this long distance deal! It's gonna be LOVELY come September 19th to not have to do this like this anymore.

I'll be better about posting pictures.

So 1 last thing before I head out:



You should totally head over to Whitney's lovely blog for a fun spring swap :) I already did!

Toooooodles!

It's March already?!?!

So I know, I know, I'm lagging in posting on my bloggy-blog. I've missed it. I've also been completely busy and really just... stressed. Oy.

I can't believe it's already March! I have so much to do in regards to the wedding. We've made some progress, but that doesn't mean I've stopped worrying about every little detail. Gah!

Chris is here this Thursday! I've missed him so much and this wedding planning via long distance is taking it's toll on me. I'm uber sensitive to how he's saying things or whether or not we're doing this or that the right way. Blah. It's been a tough month. What do I do?!?! Give me some advice, girls!

I had my first fitting this past weekend. I know, super early, but the seamstress wanted to have an idea of what she's working with. She actually altered my bridesmaid dress for Pang's wedding and was fabulous! So I'm sure she'll be taking good care of me. Good news-- I actually lost 3 inches around my waist since I bought my dress!! Yay me! Now it's just a matter of maintaining my weight. I looked AMAZING in my wedding dress and cannot wait to wear it! Heehee.

Anyway. There's so much to do, I hardly know where to start.

We did figure out what we're doing for the rehearsal lunch or dinner. We're actually doing a rehearsal BBQ lunch right before rehearsal since Pastor Sid will have to leave by 5 for a Friday night wedding he's officiating. It works out well since we weren't sure how much we'd be able to dish out for the rehearsal dinner. Chris really wants to BBQ so I'm leaving that up to him. My responsibility? Finding a dress for that afternoon. haha.

I really want to show you guys my Save the Date cards. I'll have to do that. *note to self* And the invites need to be made soon here too. Chris and I are getting our engagement pictures done this weekend as well. My sister just bought new gear and does a fantastic job at photography so she'll be helping us out with that :) Chris is also bringing the studio's camera just in case Hli wants to try using it too. Yay! And yes, I've already shopped for the outfit(s). haha.

Anyway, I'll be around more often. Promise. I apologize for the MIA-ness.

Mlah-mlee-mlah..

Hiiii. Miss me much?

Sorry for the MIA-ness to anyone who's been wondering where I've been. I've been busy getting screwed over by the insurance company (AllState), Enterprise, and maybe even the auto body shop. Anywho. It's just been crazy. At the end of the day, everyone is pointing fingers at each other blaming everyone and their mom except for themselves. I'll be honest, I don't really care who it comes down to, the fact of the matter is that not 1 party handled the situation the way that they should have and I wasn't taken care of. My car's been MIA for about a month & 1/2 now and it took 2 weeks alone to get a quote from the insurance company sooooo. Yeah. *sigh* Anyway. Apparently my car should be good by Monday. *crosses fingers*

How's it all hanging in your neck of the woods?

Oh! So my dad was down in San Diego this last week and Chris actually drove the 1 1/2 hours to pick up my dad from the airport and took my dad out to dinner. Awww, they're bonding! We're almost to the 7 month mark for our countdown to September 19! Crazy! Wedding inspiration boards/ideas/in process will be posted soon. I do have to say, I tried on my dress again the other night in my room and it is SO perfect. And looser than when I bought it! *eep! Yay! I'll look into alterations in a couple months.

In the midst of our wedding planning, my siblings and I (including Chris) are throwing my parents a surprise shin-dig in late June. It's a big year for our family as I'm getting married, my baby sister is out of the house, my brothers (older & baby) are leaving to go south for school this fall, and it seems that my mom is going to get the empty nest she never wanted all at once. Its kind of bittersweet. I'm excited for these new chapters in our lives, but it's scary to be "without" each other. Our family's pretty close and we've never been more than a couple miles from each other. Being in Colorado killed me so I ended up back in MN. And I've NEVER spent a holiday without my family. Anyway, we're planning a bash for my parents just to say "THANKS!" and "We love you!" and make people cry. And ourselves. haha. So we're off to the prospective venue at Northwestern College this afternoon. Updates to come!

Anyway, I hope you're all having a great week/end of January/Saturday. I miss blogging. I need to figure out how to post pictures on blogger instead of having to use photobucket so if you know, help a girl out! And I might be baking peanut butter blossom cookies this afternoon! Yay! Yes, they're probably not good for the wedding diet, but SO good for the tummy!

I'll be back, pinky-swear!

Okay, Okay... so I lied...

A little. About posting "tomorrow." But technically, today is yesterday's tomorrow and I didn't say which one's tomorrow I'd post them sooooo there. Okies? Okies.

Ohh I can't believe Chris has been gone for only a week. It feels like a good couple weeks already. And we're back to the abnormal swing of things. We didn't get a ton of pictures because we were quite on the go the whole weekend, but we got this one:


He's so handsome. And I look pretty "yay me" too :)

Our weekend went so well. We met with Pastor Sid and we love him! He's so sweet and personable and funny! I'm so thankful that he is our officiant and we get to do pre-marital counseling with him! He helped us map out our entire ceremony already which was fantabulous! I was going to wait until a month before the wedding-- oops. haha. Pastor Sid goes "Ohhh no, I don't want you to stress about that then!" So its roughly mapped out and I love it!

Chris played with the nieces as much as he could and misses them so much. I can't wait to see him as a Daddy. He's going to be so good :) We actually taught them how to play Red Rover (remember that game??) and now they want to play it all the time.

Other than that, we had dinner with my family at Olive Garden the last night he was here and Chris and I had our fabulous Caribou Coffee run every morning... their hot chocolate is SO good! Sorry Starbucks lovers, Caribou is just better. AND their banana bread-- OMG! YUM! Best ever! AND! It's low-fat! Steal!

May not be so crazy to everyone else, but Chris has never stayed the night at my house. Culturally, that's just frowned upon, so Chris always stays at the hotel which is like 2 houses from our house. Well, my dad wasn't really around this time because he had a conference to teach at and just saw Chris the last day he was here long enough to have a conversation and goes "Next time, stay here so you guys can save some money and not worry about getting a hotel room." You see, my dad is NOT one to be nice to guys who come around. But he loves Chris. And this just meant so much more. It was funny cause Chris was completely speechless. My dad is so awesome.

It's hard seeing him walk into the terminal without me. I hate it. But soon. Soon.

Anyway, with all that said, I didn't work out last week at all. And believe me, I paid for that slack tonight! I lasted 15 minutes on the track before I felt like my lungs were going to explode and my back was going to break from cramping so bad. UGH! But I did the 1 mile mark in about 8 minutes. I'm back to working up my cardio again and doing sit ups and the sculpting of my thighs/legs & arms/back. It sucks cause once I get the hang of it again, 30 minutes or so doesn't seem so bad on my body, but I haven't worked it enough to get to the point where a 1 week haitus wouldn't be so bad. Does anyone else have this problem?

Anyway #2, or is it #3? Meh, we got our Save the Dates ready for sending! The first batch is already out and were hand-delivered at church! It was so exciting to see everyone so excited for them! I'll scan them in soon :) The rest are going out next week when all our addresses are in. *gushes* This is really happening!

AAAAAND I got this from the lovely Miss Ivy!!


Thanks lovey! I want to pass it on to you girls for continuing to read these blurbs of mine :)

Now that wedding planning is in full swing, wedding planning updates will be in order and I'll be good about them, I promise. I think?

Oh! And I saw Bride Wars... Um. Not really worth the hype in my opinion... *sigh* But oh how I love Kate Hudson and how amazing she always looks!

And... it was my birthday on the 15th.

Toodles!

I'm late, I'm late!

Not like that.

Hii. Have you missed me bloggy land?

I've been back and just lurking for a bit. I'll update about the weekend when I actually have our few pictures which should be tomorrow :) I miss him so much though. And I get quite "meh" for a few days after he leaves. *sigh* Ahh well, back to planning our wedding. By the way, he got here safe & earlier than expected so thank you for the thoughts & prayers!

Now, onto the awards ceremony. Miss Could've Been Blonde! -- you are sucha sweetie! She gave me 2 awards!



The rules of the award are:

- You must be a true lover of the New Year to receive this award. The person to whom you give the award must also be in love with the New Year.
- List 5 things that you love about the New Year. If you can't limit it to 5 things, then keep going till you run out of space.
- Pass the award along to as many people as you like. That can be 1 or 50. It's up to you! But keep the New Year cheer going.
- Let your recipients know that you have tagged them by leaving a comment on their site. Also, link back to the person who gave you the award.


Oooookay and we're off!....


5 things I love about 2009 so far

1. It kicks off my official count down to the Big Day!!

2. I'm starting to really put time & efforts towards working out on a regular basis so I totally feel better :)

3. I started this blog that really is helping me to filter out my thoughts and I've gotten to meet some fabulous individuals! :)

4. Even though I got into a car wreck in December-- I'll be getting my car back and the scratched bumper I had before the accident will be replaced! heehee. The brighter side of things :)

5. & lastly-- it's a new beginning and we all know how important those are :)

I'll tag anyone who hasn't gotten this one yet since we're already half way through January '09 :)

& then she gave me:



The rules of the award:

1. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.

2. Show the 7 winners' names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Scrap.” Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.

3. List at least ten honest things about yourself.

Honestly: (in completely random order)

1. I absolutely love my fiance and my family.

2. I hate driving & would totally opt for a personal chauffer if I could.

3. I wish I had enough money to update my wardrobe every few weeks.

4. I am at the point where I wish the wedding would plan itself in certain areas :\

5. Girls normally find me a bit stand-offish-- can you believe that??

6. I'm trying to get in the habit of posting more pictures on this blog.

7. I wish Chris was still here.

8. I barely know how to swim to save my life.

9. I can't ice skate and MN is KNOWN for snow & ice! :\

10. Chris and I revived the game "Red Rover" for my nieces this past weekend!

So there you have it-- 10 completely random, but honest things about me.

Now to the winners!

I'm poking her back-- 1. Miss Could've Been Blonde!

2. Kirby-- she's so spunky!

3. Cari-- she's so open & bubbly!

4. Ivy-- her posts are honest and so her!

5. Mrs. Mojito-- I so enjoy her blog!

6. Whitney-- she's so sweet!

7. Mrs. Newport Nuptials-- she's wedding planning & it's so fun to see her ideas!

It's been a long week... and it's only Wednesday. *sigh* I miss him.

More specific update to come :)

6 more hours!!

Chris boards his plane in 2 hours and I'll see him in 6. I don't sleep the night before he gets here... evAr. It's so hard to! Eep!

We're expecting snow tonight/tomorrow morning. Cross your fingers and say a prayer for an on-time flight :)

I'll be back after the weekend with pictures :)

So you might notice...

My name is now Sassy Pants (is there a way to COMPLETELY change the journal name to Sassy Pants-- anyone? Help a girl out!). After much debate with the Mister and throwing around the possibility of him being a guest blogger, he didn't want to be known as Mister Sassy Stilettos--ridiculous, I know, right?? And from further discussion, he didn't like Sassy Pants either, so I'll pull this along for all it's worth :P



I got another award from the LOVELY Miss Could've Been Blonde! She is SO sweet!

I pick YOU! Yes you! I've really enjoyed reading all these blogs and seeing a glimpse into your lives. It really is beautiful. And thank you for visiting little ol' me's blog for whatever it may be worth.

Aaaaaand!

Happy New Year everyone. I'll update about NYE when those pictures get posted :) My Baby is here this Friday! Oh I miss him. Maybe it's the distance talking, but can I just say that I wish it were September already??

Ode to the Love of My Life

As 2008 draws to a close, I just have to brag about my amazing fiance-- still so weird to call him that-- because starting out 2009 just makes our up-coming wedding and more importantly, marriage feel so... real. Chris and I have a long history and we were off and on for about 2 1/2 years before we even agreed to "be together."

I met him while I was at CCU and we hit it off right away. We talked non-stop, but he was dealing with recent baggage as was I in the relationship department. But we both knew how awesome it was everytime we were together. I was actually "the other woman" at the very beginning-- he was kind of "seeing" someone-- his then-best friend KC. Though they weren't exclusive and he talked to other girls here and there, I was the only one KC was ever jealous of. Hah. Chris blames that on the fact that I was Asian... he has a thing for Asian chicks. hah. But also that we talked theology and clicked right off the bat so I suppose that was it too :P

This past fall marked 5 years of knowing each other. I love waking up every morning knowing that he loves me no matter what. And I love being able to pray with him and being reassured of knowing that I'm marrying the right man. We went through a lot and yet I know that those things that we went through together or even apart, are what makes us so unique and completely made for each other. Never did I ever think that I'd end up with someone who is so completely perfect for me in all the changes that I face and manage to adapt to.

We still joke about when we had "The Talk" with my parents-- he started out the conversation with "I love your daughter... I love her a lot." and it just warms my heart to remember that. When my dad asked how I felt about him *in front of him* and if I was ready for such a relationship, I got SO nervous-- as I've never had the talk with my parents with my guy present even though I was previously in a 4 year relationship before Chris-- granted, my dad never liked any guy anyway and it was surprising that he liked Chris enough to even sit down with the both of us to have THE TALK, so this was huge-- I mumbled something incredibly incoherent and totally didn't make sense to anyone including Chris, but what I meant was "Neither one of us did anything to 'try to make this work'-- it just did. We even tried to fight this relationship because we knew everything that was going to go into it and all the risks that we would be approving of like the distance, the cultural differences (they make a HUGE difference), etc., but at the end of the day, neither one of us compromised anything that we felt God had put into place for us as individuals just so we could be together as a couple." Does that make sense?

During our off-timing, he'd disappear and just do his own thing-- not so much to date anyone or go out with his buddies, but he'd bury himself in his work at the studio and stress out by himself. I'd know every time he'd call out of the blue that he'd disappear again in a few days. Now when we talk about it, he admits that he knew what he was doing and he just couldn't bear to feel that close to me after a couple days or weeks of talking to me. His baggage lead him to believe that I deserved so much better. My heart couldn't take it sometimes. I'd go out with other guys some nights to see if it would make a difference, come back home and wish that Chris would just call and hope that he wasn't out with other girls. The night I would remember to, I'd shut off my phone just in case he *would* call... he didn't call those nights. Now on the nights that I would forget to shut off my phone, it was like I was the butt of some horrible joke because he'd call every one of those nights and I, being pretty bad about actually answering late night calls out of habit, would pick up... and how glorious those nights would be-- we'd talk until the early morning and even though I'd be dead tired at work, I'd smile all day because I got to hear his voice. And then he'd disappear again at the end of the week with a "So I'll talk to you soon." I cried so much those 2 years. I never asked for closure with him because I was afraid I'd get it. He said he wouldn't have given it to me because it would have meant that we were over. I didn't know there was a "we" back then.

It's funny cause in the midst of all that, I fell in love with him. Real love, the kind of love that makes the sky turn colors, my heart scream like the wind on a autumn night, my face beam with complete giddy-ness just because I could remember what it sounded like when he says my name, the kind of love that made me long to have a family with him and blend our souls together to see what our babies would look like, the kind of love that made my body burn with complete self-less love for someone that I would allow him to be happy even if it was without me. More over, it was the kind of love that made me pray for him every night that somehow, he was okay and if it was ever in His will, that I would someday vow my very heart and soul to serving him as his wife and lifelong companion. I now realize that those prayers were not in vain as God was preparing the man of my dreams just for me.

It doesn't sound depressing, does it? I assure you it's not. Because in the midst of finding who I could love this much, I found that I was capable of completely and self-lessly loving someone. Not only was I capable of it, I was willing. Some nights when we would talk, I would almost have to catch myself before I blurted "I love you" out instead of saying "good night." I had to make a concious effort. He tells me that he was the same way many nights.

During those times, I wrote him so many letters just pouring my heart out to him. He's only gotten 2. I remember finally reading him the letter that I wrote during our biggest haitus of not talking at which point, it just crushed him and tore at his heart. I cried as I read it to him... and I'll never forget his genuine apology afterwards. I addressed the things that my heart longed for with him. And I told him how much I wanted to just "hate" him so letting him go would be so much easier. And that maybe if we were on bad terms at least then I was "better off without him." I told him that I stood by him through everything... even through all the things that he thought he was facing alone. What more did he want? Didn't those things matter to him? And yet, I knew... I knew that they did matter. More than I'd ever be able to know, but this... this was not the time for "us." We struggled through those off-times with personal journeys and hard lessons that would not have been possible had we been consumed with a complete relationship with each other. And we did what we had to.

Finally, May of 2006, we started talking again. On a regular basis. He wanted to see me again so bad (Mind you, these off times happened over a span of 2 1/2 years and 1 1/2 years of not seeing each other). Okay, so I wanted to see him just as bad if not more. And we made arrangements. And when I jokingly asked what this makes "us," he said "I have no doubt that we will be a big topic of discussion this time." We always joked that we were only as single as the other person let us be... and when he asked me if he was my "boyfriend"-- the answer? He's actually the corners of my smile. When I got to LAX, it was like no time had passed in between the last time we were physically together. His kiss was everything I remembered it to be. My face burned from the excitement that was bursting from my heart. And my cheeks hurt from holding my uncontrollable smile. It felt so good to feel him hug me and read in his eyes that he loved me. We didn't dare say those things yet though just in case we jinxed ourselves. Oh we couldn't keep our hands off each other and I just wanted to constantly be holding his hand and kissing him. I'll never forget... that night before we headed to bed, he held me in the dark and said "Baby....?" "Yes?" I answered after his long pause... my heart was racing because I knew he did! He was going to say it! He didn't answer, just kissed the side of my neck and held me while we fell asleep. I knew he did.

The next night, he wanted to show me their new equipment at the studio so we ventured off after a day of shopping and lounging. I loved it. I loved being able to hold his hand everywhere, getting to sit next to him at lunch, making faces at him when I caught him looking at me, and making him wait in the dressing room while I tried on anything I thought was cute or classy. Gosh I loved this man.

Anyway, getting to the studio, he turned on 50 First Dates and used the photo-shoot white background wall/area for our very own drive-in theater. Wow, it was perfect. He even pulled the truck in so we could lay in the bed of the truck to watch the movie. The projector started acting up about half way through the movie-- apparently (me thinks that Chris actually planned it)-- and during the scene where Drew Barrymore's character Lucy is video-taping Adam Sandler's Henry on the beach at night so she would remember everything in the morning and asked him "Do you love me?" the projector shut off. We lay in the dark like that and I think I nervously laughed a little since he wasn't getting up to fix the projector. There in the dark, I felt him turn towards me and he whispered "Baby, do you love me?" Oh no he didn't! He's making me say it first! Being me, my initial thought was dishing out something witty and funny or asking him the question back, but deep inside me, I wanted him to know. "Yes. I love you. ....Do you love me?" He held me and without a hesitation "Yes. I love you. So much." My heart burst. 2 1/2 years. I tried not to cry and yet it happened. Tears streamed down my face because I knew that this was it. And it had always been him. No one else. Oh it was glorious.

The next morning as we sat on his bed, we talked some about what our "love lives" looked like in between the times that we actually talked. It was hard to hear some of it as I knew that he at least went out on a couple dates, but in the end, I asked him if he meant what he said last night. He gazed into my eyes and said that he meant every word... "I love you." I asked "... so no more disappearing?" "No more disappearing."

I actually met his parents that weekend as well-- we went to the Angels' game with them and his parents fell in love with me-- can't blame them. I'm so charming :P We went to dinner with them before they headed back home and I knew that this really was it.

We still tried to act casual about it. Chris even sat there holding my hand and said "You know, it would be so cool, rhetorically speaking, if we got married cause we could have 2 weddings! A big one in MN and then one here in CA. Rhetorically speaking though." I laughed.

Now here we are planning our wedding for September 19th 2009 and I couldn't be more overwhelmed with love for someone than him-- well, my nieces and nephew and my family can't count. He encompasses everything good in me and aspires me to be better than I ever thought I could be. On days that we don't click, he still gets me and lets me "brat" it out. Sure I tick him off sometimes, but he never thinks or wishes that he's better off without me or wasn't with me. As one of life's biggest contradictions, it's so freeing to be captured by him and his love for me. And I realize how good God is even when I'm not because of Chris. For being an impatient person, I put him to shame in that patience department. I'm stubborn and many times, a button-pusher, especially when I come to know those buttons. Chris loves me regardless and is always the first to apologize. I love him with everything I am and am working at trying to perfect that love in action-- good thing we have until forever and beyond.

I love you, Baby, and I am so excited as we venture off into 2009 and everything it has to offer us as individuals and as "meandyou"-- no spaces in between.

*sigh* The corners of my smile.

I just had to.

Gosh I miss him.